It is not something physical. I eat fine and sleep okay. My tiredness goes deeper than that. I feel it in mind, my heart and my spirit. It’s awful. I used to drag myself at midnight til dawn to finish chores and still wake up gleeful in the morning. But now, I do so little and find myself drained at the end of the day.
And then comes the weird dreams.
Sometimes I open my eyes and watch myself struggle to move because I know something is coming to get me. Someone is pulling my blanket down and most times, I can’t contain a shiver. Someone is pounding on my head and I do nothing, not because I don’t want to but because I can’t. I feel fear but I cannot physically react to it. I am outside my body. I try to get a hold of me and as I struggle harder, my body begins to panic. So I close my eyes, hoping that the next time I wake up, my body does too.
I cannot get rid of the nightmares. And it is beginning to rattle me even when I am awake. It drains me and I feel very, very tired.